To start or not to start Psychotherapy / Counselling?
When we feel bad and don't know why. When our view on life feels like it no longer
works for us. When we feel we want something more out of life but don't know what
it is or how to get it maybe it's time to take a closer look at ourselves through
psychotherapy / counselling.
This can seem frightening. It calls on a certain courage in us, something that is
difficult when we are frightened. It also calls on us to risk that another person
might be able to help us. This can be difficult if our past carries relationships
where trust was broken. Sometimes just beginning therapy asks a lot of us.
In psychotherapy / counselling a safe, therapeutic space is offered and we are free
to explore these exact issues - why is it difficult for me to trust? Why am I frightened?
How does this effect my life? What does it stop me doing?
Through the therapeutic dialogue we develop courage and are encouraged, trust comes
slowly and naturally and we begin to face how we are. This brings real and lasting
change from within and then our lives on the outside changes with it. I would like
to take you on that journey if you would be courageous enough to take the risk.
The Journey
We are like the rings of a tree, each year of our life is embedded in us and is
still alive. The past is ever-present in us. Each ring, or year of our life, has
a relationship with the past one and influences the quality of the ring that will
be formed in the coming year. Very importantly, the quality of the rings is heavily
influenced by the relationships we have in our lives - both with ourselves and with
others. Relationality can feed us to the root and we can grow into a blooming and
healthy tree. Relationality can also damage us deeply, mostly in ways we don't understand.
When a tree is damaged it is clear where the trauma happened. The tree changes its
direction of growth or a large knot forms around the wound, distorting or hampering
the growth of the tree. Similarly, if we go through a troubling phase or relationships
in our lives we can lose direction or become 'frozen', or stuck. Sometimes, we can't
move beyond the 'knot' as we are still living the aftermath of it and it can be
too overwhelming to process.
This leads to a depressed state. We literally press it down. Depression is not something
we are but something we do. And anything that makes us come close to what we cannot
process makes us very anxious.
So
we avoid it and develop what can be a debilitating rigidity in our lives, cutting
off any part of life that might trigger what we cannot process. We cut off ourselves
and others and in the end we pay a high price. This depressing, anxiety and rigidity
is the 'knot' and stops us growing or makes us grow in an unnatural and unsatisfying
way.
I am trained to listen, hear the 'knot' and how it protects itself. In the relationality
of the therapeutic space, we can then slowly negotiate the 'knot' and its various
strands. It doesn't break apart violently, we gently disentangle it strand by strand.
As we understand the strands, the 'knot' dissolves and the tree is free to grow
naturally and fully.
The rings on the tree become integrated and a fluidity replaces
the rigidity. We reaccess the deeper aspects of ourselves - instinct, intuition
and the natural 'orienting response' in us. This innner change brings the external
changes we have wished for. We embody our potential - the point of life.
This explanation is metaphorical and is to give a sense of the change that can take
place. The journey is from knowing about our problems intellectually to an experiential/emotional
understanding of ourselves which is more difficult. A smoker intellectually knows
he may not want to smoke anymore but continues to do so. The gap between knowing
about it and being free of it is the therapeutic journey. And that change is hard
to describe. There is an old story about a frog who spent his life in a small well
when he gets a visit by a frog from the ocean.
"How big is your ocean?" the well frog says.
"It's gigantic." said the ocean frog.
"Bigger than half this well?" says the well frog.
"Bigger."
"Bigger than the whole well?" says the well frog.
"Bigger."
"That's impossible, I have to see it myself."
When the well frog saw the ocean his eyes popped out....