The Problem
We don’t live in a vacuum. We are social creatures. We grew up in a group, we live
in groups, we identify ourselves by the groups we belong to. Groups serve as a reflection
of and affirmation of that chosen identity. Most importantly we learned how to be
in a group, took our cues from the group and developed patterns of behaving, and
from this our identity, in a group that we maintain to this day. These patterns,
developed over our lifetime, become so ingrained and second nature they are largely
unconscious.
The problem is that how we are in a group, based on these unconscious patterns,
gets transferred to and acted out in all other groups we occupy. We bring the same
patterns we learned in our first group, the family, into our work group, our social
groups and our new family groups. The same dynamics get set up, acted out and a
repetition of earlier experiences plays out – the past is played out in the present
making the future a repetition of the past.
When these patterns are in conflict with how we want things to be and when they
are destructive and unhelpful to the extent that they cut us off from the group,
leading to isolation and loneliness, or give us a wholly unsatisfying experience
of a collection of people then we can feel stuck.
The session
In group therapy, we look for and look at these patterns ‘live’ in a group. We come
to the group as we are, nothing more needs to be done. In the group therapy process,
we bring the patterns to conscious awareness. This opens a window of choice where
we can repeat the pattern or try something new. When we look at trying something
new we tend to feel anxious. This is scary but it’s also telling us we are on the
verge of a new dimension of life. When we risk doing something new we get different
results. This changes us and our lives change. We receive new feedback from these
new behaviours that informs our awareness. This starts a chain-reaction process
of change. But it starts and happens from the inside out, not from the outside in;
or from ourselves not the external environment.
The key to group therapy is that we can’t achieve this process alone. For each individual
to progress and change the group as a whole must negotiate two vital issues: trust
and conflict. In looking to establish trust we explore our anxieties and fears.
We also learn to be empathic and respectful of other group members to encourage
that process in each other. By extension of this, we explore conflict. Group members
experiment with expressing difference. As the group feels safe to do so it further
cements trust and leads to a deepening in the relationship of the group.
In negotiating trust and conflict, the group develops a cohesiveness from their
shared experience. This creates the environment for change to be allowed to happen.
Deeper exploration and insight into ourselves occur. This is assisted by the understanding
of the commonality of our experience that is seen in the group, that our problems
are the same. The group establishes an intimacy, the learning of which can be transferred
into the other groups in our lives – whether family, work or friends.
Advantages of a group
Group therapy and individual counselling both offer self-development. Group therapy
also offers the development of relational skills such as the exploration of our
style of relating and the practice of assertiveness in a safe space. Group feedback
also assists us in our self-learning as we see how we are perceived in the eyes
of others. This gives us a more rounded view of ourselves and speeds up the process
of our self-learning. As we also provide feedback we learn how to read and understand
people. Finally, the understanding of the universality of our problems is a hugely
valuable and experiential understanding that assists us in our acceptance of ourselves
and the world.